Argh, I'm feeling SO sleepy. You would think that after working as a payroll assistant and doing my company's payroll for one and a half years, I would have figured out how to get through things faster by now. But nooooooooooo...after all that time, I still somehow end up processing our payroll at the dead of night. Argh.

I'm excited to say that I've posted more pictures! We've got everything from my birthday with Keira to her first big trip to Los Angeles. That girl...I just love her, love her, love her.

Pre-boarding is the best. I've waited my entire life for the opportunity to pre-board, enviously standing among the crowded masses while I watched happy families with their little ones stroll leisurely onto the plane. Finally, my turn has come.

This especially kicks butt on Southwest. We fly them all the time because Felix is from LA and we both have a lot of family still living in Southern California. In the ten plus years I've been flying them, I can only remember ONE time that I was in the first boarding group. No matter how early I get to the airport, there always seems to be that one nut who beat me to it. You know, that one person whose day is made or broken by whether or not they get boarding pass NUMBER ONE. Humph.

Not this time. Felix and I flew down to LA yesterday, and it was with glee and delight that I rolled Keira's stroller by everyone to board the plane first. We settled right into the first row of seats, happily making ourselves at home in the comfy cocktail lounge.

Love pre-boarding. Just love it.

I've reached the end of my twenties, quietly and pleasantly turning 29 years old last week. The day itself was wonderfully peaceful, and as I wind toward the big three-oh, I can only hope that the rest of my life will similarly start settling down.

I have two more days left before my little pumpkin starts daycare. We took her to orientation on Thursday, and I was reminded again why we chose MCCDC. It really is a great place, and it warms my heart to think of Keira and Claire together every day. I know it's the right decision. Half the battle to getting the old Kathy back - the friend, wife, and mom that's gone missing these past couple months.

We're also making big changes at the company with the hopes of bringing everything back to a normal, manageable level. In February, we'll have owned Admissions Academy for two years, and I still feel like we're ripping along at 240 miles per hour. I can't even BEGIN to describe the amount of debt and stress I've been lugging around, not to mention the sleepless nights when I stare off into the dark and ponder bankruptcy. A life of homelessness and poverty is definitely a huge motivator for change. So we're working on cutting back on staff, shrinking our goals and expectations, and down-sizing our corporation to a happy family-run business. Counseling with Kathy Chi and company - the personal, individual, friendly touch. Second half of the battle to self-recovery.

Only time will tell, but I'm already pretty sure there are calmer waters ahead. Can't wait.

If you don't have anything nice to say...

You know how the saying goes. Lately, I've been a total gloomy gus. Not very fun. Not very nice. So not a good idea to open my mouth. I think everyone knows that I'm a total Type A personality, but even so, gradually going back to work full-time and juggling Keira has completely wiped me out.

I have nothing left. Not for me, not for friends, not for family...nothing.

And that's been the worst part of it. I've been feeling so drained that every...little...thing stresses me out and makes me upset. I spend most of my day wanting to get away from everyone and everything, and I even find myself staring at Keira, wishing that someone else could watch her so that I could just be alone for one darn second. After a couple of weeks of moping around, crying over nothing, and snapping at anyone who crossed my path, I realized that I was in a seriously dark place. Time to get out!

Tomorrow, we're going to little Claire's daycare to enroll Keira in a Monday-Thursday program. I love my daughter more than I ever thought possible, but I definitely need to call in the calvary. It's not an easy decision. I find my heart aching over the idea of not seeing Keira every minute of the day. On the other hand, I can't necessarily say that there's quality time to be found in frantically pacing around my office with the lights out, desperately hoping that Keira will fall asleep so I can finally get a tiny bit of work done. No, it's just not right. I'm not right.

So Keira will probably start her first day next Monday. That gives me five more days to shower her with all the love and affection I can muster. And then finally, I can start back on the long windy road out of the frightening place I've wandered into...