I have to admit that the thought of LASIK made me shudder for a long long time. A surgery where you're awake AND they're poking and zapping your eye? No way.

Well, I'm sitting here at my monitor right now, a contact lens in my right eye...and nothing in my left. That's right. I'm just looking around with my plain old eyeball.

I did it!

The whole procedure happened this past Thursday afternoon. I would have blogged about it earlier, but to be honest, I was a little nervous. Which made me feel a little superstitious. Who knows? Maybe talking about it too much ahead of time, or telling everyone I was going to do it would have totally jinxed me. Life only gives you one set of eyes. Why risk your luck?

And, I didn't even get the regular deal; I actually had LASEK done, which is an off-the-books procedure (not FDA approved yet). Interestingly enough, the whole experience was actually quite uneventful. Since I only zapped one eye, the surgery only lasted about 15 minutes. The laser itself was only on about 30 seconds. And even though I was awake, I didn't feel or see a thing. Numbing drops and Valium work wonders, let me tell you, and my vision is so blurry that I was completely oblivious to what was happening.

Afterwards, by the next morning, my eye had already gone from about 20/400 to about 20/70. Amazing. I have to admit - the first couple days were definitely not comfortable. There was one point on Saturday when I was pacing around the house, screaming about how I was going to tear my eye out and stomp all over it. The itchiness and ache was driving me absolutely nuts. Felix, sweetheart that he is, made me go to sleep. Good idea...he's always full of good ideas.

Overall, I think Felix's experience was MUCH more interesting. He watched the whole procedure from the waiting room on a closed circuit TV. I had no idea what was going on, but he saw every little gory detail. Felix said it was one of those things where you're totally fascinated and disgusted at the same time. You can't stop yourself from watching, but your face is totally drawn back in a grimace, even without you realizing it. The best part is, I still have my right eye to do (I'm scheduled to go in a couple of weeks), and they said we could bring a videotape! So, next time you're at my place, I can treat you to a private viewing of my own little horror show.

In the meantime, I'm finally back to work today, watching in wonder as my eye continues to improve. Life without glasses is just so sweet.

OK, so first, let's do a little catch-up.

Thursday's dinner was perfect. I'm actually shocked that it went over so well, and my boss (he's such a nice guy) even pulled aside the donor who ripped my head off that other time and filled her ear with rave comments about me. I love working here.

Friday, I left work at around noon, totally ill. The dinner rocked, but I think I must have gotten some kind of evil food poisoning that just knocked me off my feet. Between Friday and Saturday, I slept almost thirty-some hours. No, I'm not kidding. I wasn't that tired exactly, but when I wasn't out cold, I was yacking. So, given the options, I forced myself to sleep. I'd forgotten how scary it is to throw up; no wonder it makes kids cry!

The worst part about being sick Friday was that I missed going to see Beauty and the Beast at the IMAX theater! Jean was in town and everything, and I was sooooooo disappointed that I couldn't go. No one wants you making a mess on their shoes, however, so I thought it best that Felix go on without me. My honey said he'd take me some other time, maybe this weekend. He's the best.

It was a lot of fun seeing Jean. She and two of our other best friends are laying it on thick, campaigning to get us to move to Denver with them. Sigh. That's a tough one - between Portland, Seattle, Denver, and the Bay Area, who knows where we'll end up?! I think Felix and I have decided that there's about a 50/50 chance we'll leave the area. So if you want to give us your pitch, let us know!

I'm a little scared.

This Thursday (oh my gawd, it's only in TWO days!!!), we're having this super important dinner at work. The event is to honor and thank all the donors who gave millions of bucks to build our Center. And I'm starting to sweat. These past couple of nights, I have really started to not sleep well. Stayed up until 5am the other day, in fact. Flashbacks of my previous donor run-in, when a very important woman squashed me like a bug, are terrorizing me in my dreams.

It's not good.

And, to top it all off, guess what facilities dropped off at my desk today? My new cell phone. That's right, I now have a dedicated cell phone just for work. So now I carry two phones. The irony is killing me!!!

Cell phones are the device of the devil. They're SO evil. The whole industry is one big conspiracy, designed to suck you in, take your soul, and leave you cursing their hellish ways. It all starts when you go to buy a phone. Sure, you think to yourself - you need a cell phone! Think of the convenience it'll bring to your life, the ease with which you can conduct business and personal matters with the mere touch of a button. Phones are like everyday accessories nowadays, and between the snazzy features, fun colors, and cute tinkly ringtones, is there no surprise that so many people own one?

It's like in that freshman psychology class I took when I learned about control. When you go to Vegas, the flashing lights, clinking coins, and ringing bells all create the illusion of winning, even while the house is robbing you blind. I look at my evil, evil phone...and I realize that my pockets are totally empty.

So I bought my fun phone with its fun ringtones and fun features. And I signed up for a plan, which is the second and bigger step closer to hell. How is that? To get the best bargain, I had to sign a one year deal, of course. And if I tied my home's long distance to my cell phone carrier, I got an even better deal! Penalties if I broke my contract were worth an arm and BOTH legs...but why would I want to get out of it? The discounts alone seemed too good to be true; I couldn't even imagine why I wouldn't want to take it.

Ha!

In the last few years of additional discounts, deals, and contracts, I've found myself grinding my teeth. Prices go up - I can't do anything about it. My first "fun and snazzy" phone broke - I had to wrangle Felix AND eBay to get a new one. My minutes get crappier and crappier - I'm bound by my contract. Suddenly, I find myself backed into a corner, faced with the difficult choice of coughing up yet more money to buy more minutes, or coughing up more money to escape my evil (SATAN!) cell phone provider, buy a new phone (BECAUSE NOW I'M ADDICTED!!!), and go with another provider (SATAN 2!!!).

Argh!

At least Fellowship of the Ring was one of the best movies I've ever seen. I'm not sure what makes me more depressed. Contemplating my cell phone woes...or waiting a year to see the second part of LOTR. How sad...